Quick question: when does being single end? Or rather, when does dating end?
Maybe dating should come to a close at 38 years old? Just throwing that out there. You gave it a good go, a real honest effort. You met people, fell in love, learned a few things along the way, got rejected a few times, rejected others. You’ve done the rig-a-ma-roll time and time again… and that’s a fair shot at finding love.
So maybe we get to a point where it’s time to call it and just accept you’ll be checking off the “single” box for the rest of your life? Put it this way, if you’re approaching the dating-equivalent-amount-of-years that would garner you a secure pension plan with a good company, it might be time to throw in the dating towel. Besides, God only knows how stained THAT thing is!
What are your thoughts on this? If you cannot find a suitable partner by 38 years old, should you just accept your fate as a single person?
-36 and exhausted.
p.s. Carrie Bradshaw was single until she married Big. Now he’s dead and she’s single again.TERRIFYING,
It’s easy to be happy when you’re in love. You’ve got that relationship glow, a skip in your step, a plus one to bring to weddings, that person to call at any moment for any reason. You have your….whatever you want to call it; soulmate.(?)
And so I wonder: are people in relationships happier than single people? And have single folk been getting a rough ride? I believe we all need that human connection on a romantic level to fully thrive in the world, and get the opportunity to live our best life.
You know when you have an old pair of socks that you just can’t get rid of? They look good at-a-glance, but after taking a closer look you can see the wear and tear on sole. Perhaps there’s no holes yet, but it’s only a matter of time. The problem is you have hope these socks will last a little bit longer. But you know they are well past their expiry date, and you’d die of embarrassment if a loved one saw you wearing them.
Dating in Alberta is different than Toronto. Money doesn’t seem to be an issue out here. The guys here make good money; they are not complaining about paying their rent, they don’t drive shitty cars, and they sure as shit don’t leave the bill on the table once the server brings it over.
In fact, on all the dates I’ve been on the server straight up hands the bill over to the guy – like second nature. I don’t have to pretend to fish out my wallet, or ask if we are splitting it, like I did in the big city. The dudes out here get the cheque and the debit machine handed to them. No weirdness about it.
Perhaps I’m the one who feels weird about it because in Toronto I felt obligated to offer to pay my share, or even PAY THE WHOLE DAMN BILL after hearing about my date’s money-woes.
In Alberta, you are taken for nice meals, and told to order whatever you want. It’s refreshing. In Toronto, the guys were so broke you’d feel guilty ordering a second drink.
Ladies: when you’re on a date with a guy and you know you’re not digging him, do you throw down a $20 and pay for your share? I felt compelled to when I went on a Tinder date with a guy who has a neck tattoo. That’s a red flag right there, but I didn’t listen to my gut, mostly because I didn’t want to judge a book by it’s cover. AND he looked rather handsome in his pic.
It would seem I always leave room for a lover, yet when that space fills up I somehow fuck it up. So I’ve got to thinking….
I’ve must have dating all wrong. When you meet someone from Tinder, that’s not a date. That’s an “oh-hello-person-I-just-met-in-the-flesh-for-the-first-time-ever-and-we-have-a-mutual-attraction.”
To get technical, yes it is a date because by definition a date is: a social or romantic appointment or engagement. However, Tinder dates fall under social appointments. You have no idea if it’s romantic yet without getting to know someone. This is a not a romantic date, and it must be what separates lust from love.
The reason for this post is my proclamation that I need to reconsider my dating red flag. My red flag was if the person talks about an ex on the first date, this is a HUGE NO-NO. Under my new thought pattern, I now see talking about an ex as a normal thing to do when you are getting to know someone. I mean yeah, you probably want to keep it to a minimal, we aren’t talking like a therapy session here. But if it’s relevant to the conversation, then sure. It’s part of how you organically get to know someone.
I was out for a walk after the first day of my new job and I could not deny the commonality of the songs that played through my headphones. One after the other, they played in this order and my jaw dropped:
Run Away – Real McCoy
Runaway – Del Shannon
Runaway (U&I) – Galantis
Technically speaking, I don’t think Apple Music can be sorted by song title, so for those songs to be played in order like that it must be a sign, right? I usually just press shuffle anyway.
Here are some of the lyrics that played:
Runaway and save your life. Runaway, Runaway if you want to survive.
So a little bit about what’s been going on: I just moved to a new city in another province, and it dawned on me as I was walking that night after work: it’s either sink or swim now baby, and that’s kinda intense!
Also! To make things even weirder or sychronistic this picture was snapped by accident, and it appeared on my phone as the thoughts about sinking or swimming went through my head.
Digest this how you want, or not at all. But to me it’s proof that this move was necessary for me to thrive. *knocks wood*
I needed to essentially “runaway” and take on a fresh start.
And then this groovy Betty Davis tune came on, with lyrics like “she’s gonna do it” which provided me the hit of reassurance I needed to calm my many thoughts about this change! 😉
Bam Margera. I blame Bam Margera for my pussy insecurities. I was in my early twenties, getting my hair coloured at some overpriced Eaton Centre hair salon while reading an article in Rolling Stone. It was the first time I heard the term “FUPA”. “Fat Upper Pussy Area,” as Margera explained it. Up until that point I thought my privates were pretty normal. Sure, I had no porn-pussy, but I never thought too deeply about it. But apparently having a FUPA is a no-no. I fixated on this term while I sat in the salon chair having my hair processed. And because of this article I solidified the fact that my vagina wasn’t the prettiest. Turns out guys don’t want a female with a FUPA, they are in fact repelled by this. And over the years I have further evidence of men saying negative things about FUPAs, just adding to my insecurities.
If this makes you uncomfortable, stop reading now.
Okay yes. Lately I am obsessed with Matthew McConaughey. He is the coolest and I just can’t help it! I re-watched his episode on the Joe Rogan Experience, which I just noticed was broadcast on my birthday! So if that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is!
Anyway, he mentions the things that become habit in his life when he’s vibing high or as he puts it, when he’s “rolling” and I wanted to share these tips with you:
Journal even when things are good – We have a tendency to only journal when we’re experiencing some sort of distress in our lives. We dissect our failures, but we don’t examine our wins. We should journal the happy times too, so when we fall out of alignment we can see what to do in order to re-calibrate. He says to look at the things you were doing in your life when you were happy, and to even take note of what you were eating, drinking, and who were you hanging out with. So that the next time we get into a rut we can turn to that journal entry and see what we need to do to get back on track.
Check in with yourself before checking in with the world – Check in with YOU when you wake up instead of checking your phone or heading to the kitchen. This can look something like having a conversation between “me and me” as he put it, reading something, writing something. To put my spin on this I’d focus on: how I currently feel vs. how I want to feel, and what I can do to get to those feels.
Don’t lose your wink – He says when he loses his wink it means he’s taking life too seriously. Some tips on not losing your wink: laugh more and don’t take anything personally, which, side note: is one of the Four Agreements.
Don’t ask permission – Have the confidence to do the things you want to do, and believe in those things!
End your day with reflection – Go back through the day, and make a note of what tomorrow’s going to look like – plan for your tomorrow.
Make to-do lists – Write down everything you have to do in the day including simple things like: kiss your wife, listen to that song you like, take a poop (I think he was joking, but he did say it), read something funny, etc. He says the more we have on our to-do list, the more we have to check off and therefore feel more accomplished!
Exercise – Working up a sweat puts a demarcation (a dividing line) in the day. After a workout, all the stress that we previously felt piled up on our shoulders can now be seen laterally laid out before us. This helps change our mindset and we feel better equipped to handle our to-do list one item at a time without feeling a burden on our shoulders.
These were the common denominators of what he was doing when vibing high! Sounds pretty good to me. What do you think?
Quick a dirty: what is your dating cringe? You know, a past event that when you think about now you get a shiver down your spine and feelings of shame and disgust overwhelm you?
I’ll start – I slept with someone who has a tribal tattoo. EW. This is my dating cringe.
Funny enough, when I found out he had a tribal tattoo it was an instinctual deal breaker, an actual red flag for me. But I didn’t want to be so superficial. I don’t know what it is about tribal tattoos, I’ve just never enjoyed them. To be honest I guess I kinda connect them with trash. Is that harsh?
Anyway, how about you? What is your dating cringe?