breakups and pandemics.

In this world with so much going on we forget to reflect and see why things are happening the way they are happening. My psychotherapist urges, “it’s not what’s happening TO you, it’s what’s happening for you.”

This is the reason why things unravelled in my last relationship. I lost a grip of myself, who I am, what I want, my values and my standards. I lost my voice and it made me needy and ultimately unattractive to my partner. It’s a damn shame, but the show must go on.

We broke up after the holidays, after we did the family meet and greet, I thought things were finally on track and this must’ve meant he was my bf, right? Wrong. I become anxiously attached, stopped checking myself, and he lost interest.

It is in these moments we need to reflect, it is in these moments we realize maybe we lost ourselves for a moment, ask the questions

“Am I doing the things I find important?

How are my goals coming along?

How is my mental and physical health?”

Checking in with yourself is so, so, soooo important. And keeping it in constant check is important. When things feel good, we are reaping the rewards of our inner work, and when things feel good we let the daily inner work slip away….

After the breakup I tried different methods to help move on: mindless dating was one tactic. This proved to be a complete waste of time. I needed to get right with myself first. And this process is day-to-day baby.

I had a mind-blowing reiki session which really opened up a lot for me

Don’t force things. Allow things to flow – more dazzle, less frazzle. Less resistance, more letting it be.

In these silent moments, I no longer know what to do with myself. Seeking others for salvation, but apparently I need to find it within.

With no budget for an Eat, Pray, Love experience – I find other ways to cope when the man you loved no longer loves you back.

Eat – yup, doing a lot of that – literally ate a piece of Score cheesecake with my bare hands sitting in my car in the shopping mall parking;

Pray – yup – back to affirmations, back to yoga, back to prayer;

Love – love and gratitude for what’s in front of you.

Heavy heart, heavy feelings, finding footing again. Stitching the pieces back together. Wondering what could be more better that’s going to enter my life

*note* at the time of writing this the world was not yet in a COVID-19 pandemic. Yes, these are my problems, a break-up during a pandemic. Mother fuck….*

pair of black converse all star low tops
Photo by Nguyễn Lâm on

Published by Vanessa

I've always wanted to be a writer. Here goes!

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