The year is 2020…

The year is 2020, and it might as well be the year 2000. Sure I’ve grown mentally, spiritually, physically and so on over the last 20 years, but the root problem still remains.

Hi, my name is Vanessa and I suffer from low self-esteem. The same struggle I’ve had all my life and maybe not even noticed it. When I was a kid and teenager, I put on a tough exterior. I was a bully, I gossiped, I pretended to like things I didn’t like, I said things I didn’t mean, I was a complete and utter shit to my mother. My core self though – so fucking sensitive, my insides mush and sensitive to any words that might bring some truth to my sad existence.

So here I am, now 34-years-old, still sucking off my mother’s tit, not fully knowing what I’m good at or where my passions lie, tried may avenues, but giving up when the going gets tough.

Aight. Let’s try something different:

  • Let’s try not falling back into the replay of emotions -> causes us to play out the same actions -> which bring about the same, familiar results that i’ve subjected myself to over the years.
  • Let’s take the bull by the horns and do something spectacular.
  • Let me live my authentic life!

Peeps with low self-esteem get wounded easily as they are constantly seeking outside validation. Something as minuscule as social media likes can dictate the direction of someone’s day based on their own self-worth.

God Damn. This shit is serious.

I will take a brief moment to point fingers at teachers who never helped me, at family members who never asked how I was truly doing, to my parents who did not provide direction and at myself for not speaking up.

…But isn’t everyone doing the best they can?

If I don’t take my life into my hands, these patterns will persist until I die. And I don’t want to live like this no more.

Published by Vanessa

I've always wanted to be a writer. Here goes!

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