the recovery process

With exercise, as with in life, it’s necessary to take time-outs to recover. When you’re benching 75 lbs, for example, you must take a rest after 8-12 reps, for at least 30-90 seconds, maybe longer depending on your body. We do this so during the next set, we can come at it from a prepared place, where the muscle has had time to rest. If we jump into the next round of 12 without adequately resting our muscles, we may not be able to finish the set, we may lack proper form, and ultimately we won’t be working toward the results we’re seeking.

Similar to the emotional recovery process, but in this instance, we give rest to our mind, heart, and soul in between dates, and heart aches. You can say it’s kind of like the time-outs you got in grade school where you sit in the corner and think about all the things you’ve done wrong.

But this is more of a reflection i.e.:

  • is this situation serving me?
  • did I act in accordance to my values and beliefs?
  • where could I have done something different?
  • how you feeling, giiiiirl?
  • are you still pursuing your dreams?


I did this with my last dating experience, and rather than rush into the relationship based on the adrenaline of that initial high, I was actually able to sit back and observe my feelings. It was refreshing, and a change from how I did things in the past. I actually voiced concerns, set boundaries and proceeded by my values, at least for a short while, before I lost my grip. This resulted in a short, but intense kind of relationship where I was on a roller coaster full of happy and anxious emotions. If this relationship was going to succeed it would have required more time to reflect and following my inner guide rather than the opinions of others.

So, the question begs: how long is the recovery process after a heartbreak? Charlotte York-Goldenblatt said during one episode that, “it takes half the total time you’ve been with someone to get over them.”

Has this formula ever worked for you?

Personally, I’ve never really taken time off between dating. And frankly, I think I need to. It just seems I’m addicted to the attention – and this is some inner work shit 100%. I jumped right back into dating knowing I wasn’t ready, looking for a replacement.

So according to Charlotte’s formula, I have until May 1st to sulk before I should be over it.

So here it is:

I am hurt. I am hurt that he has moved on, and so quickly too. Like what an asshole. Telling me not to dwell and to go sleep with someone else in order to feel better. I guess it’s easier to be the breaker upper. I know he met someone else before it was over between us. And I feel used. Looking back, doing the xmas thing was stupid, introducing him to my family was stupid, getting him those leaf tickets, stupid. Those times I should have left. Those times I should have slapped him across the face. That time he grabbed my pussy; baffled, I said nothing. Like, did that shit actually just happen?  When he just stopped giving a fuck and I accepted the behaviour.

I shrank into my small self, and now I sit and wonder why have I placed him on a pedestal? …Because he wears Converse and dresses well and trims his toenails? Giiiiirl, get the fuck over it.

Anywho – so half the total time….. this is when I pray:

Dear Lord, please help move me forward. Allow me to recognize the beauty in myself, the power in myself, and the ability to trust the process of life. Amen.


Published by Vanessa

I've always wanted to be a writer. Here goes!

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