when it doesn’t go as planned

Sometimes it can feel like we have to start all over again. When you’re so sure about something and then it doesn’t turn out how you planned, well yeah, this can be a huge bummer.

It’s a time when maybe we have to admit we were wrong. This can bring on guilt, anger and uncertainty. Perhaps we feel we’ve lost part of our identity and no longer know which way to turn. It’s a lot to process when you had hope for a relationship.

And now is the time to reflect, regroup and recommit to your values and life.

Some of the reflection I’ve been doing:

The over investment in the relationship I made: This is a big faux-pas according to relationship coach, Matthew Hussey. He says to keep your energy high and your investment low! Basically, invest in how much the person likes you, don’t be afraid to lose them, and don’t try and make anyone like you.

When you know a person isn’t the one for you: My psychotherapist says we know someone isn’t the right person for us if they fail to show up when we need them.  She goes on to say that, “We want to be with someone who says ‘YES! I want to hang out, YES, I want to be a relationship with you.’ Not someone who plays into your insecurities.”

On having “The Talk”: According to Why Men Marry Bitches, we are to never  bring up the topic of commitment, and in fact we are to let the guy think commitment was his idea the whole time. We know when women have “the talk” with the guy they’re dating, the man will freak the fuck out, it’s like we’re trying to take away his freedom or something. Plagued with confusion, I was urged to have the “clarifying talk”.  So there I was with two conflicting messages. The one from the book, completely immature, the one from Jasmine, complete sense. However if you need to have “the talk” to see where you stand, honey, you already know your answer….

It is my conclusion that:

A bitch is someone who knows her self-worth, and you can’t fake that shit.  So no need to manipulate a man into being with you, ladies.

At the end of the day, this all boils down to self-worth. With any guy we’re dating, we should be able to either take them or leave them. Like who cares if he doesn’t want me. My self-worth is so high that if you leave it’s truly okay, and I will move along with the flow of life with ease and grace. The ‘Thank you, next.’ mentality.

So what now?

Step 1: Stop dating

Step 2: Re-asses, what do you need?

Step 3: Inner work baby


  • Ask “What do you appreciate about yourself today?”
  • Daily practice of doing things in alignment with you being honoured.
  • Listen to what the body wants + make decisions to do the things that feel good to you.
  • Ask the universe which direction to go, and if you feel resistance, it’s the wrong way
  • Only look back to reflect


I hope this resonates with someone and provided a little help.

Published by Vanessa

I've always wanted to be a writer. Here goes!

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