“Stick with me and I’ll make him yours in 30 days,” words from my married friend after I told her about the latest guy I’ve been dating. I wasn’t sure how to absorb this. Is she looking out for me? Why does she want to have this type of control over my love life? Does she have no faith in my ability to secure a long-lasting relationship? As she low-key points out my failed attempts at LTRs, I think to myself, “Well, she’s married, so therefore, she knows best. Right?”
Dating is a balancing act. With it comes overthinking, a flood of hormones, excitement, uncertainty, hope, and learning lessons. It can be a time-consuming, energy sucking, head-scratching landscape to navigate through. By the time you meet someone you actually jive with, it only makes sense to be bursting at the seams to tell your friends about the potential suitor. Who he is!? What does he look like!? What does he do for a living!? How did his last relationship end? etc., etc., etc.
Consequently, all of these details now open up the flood gates to your friends’ perspective on the whole situation. They won’t be able to help themselves from painting a picture in your head, making judgements, suggestions, and providing the best course of action you should take in order to “make him yours.” (And yes, I’m 100% guilty of these actions too, FTR.)
To your married friends, the dating world is exciting and full of drama! They want to hear about the escapades, they want to swipe through your Tinder, and live vicariously through you. But, when it comes to taking dating advice from them, think twice.
There’s no way a married person remembers what dating is like, and they especially do not know what dating is like during a pandemic. Besides the norm of juggling matches and conversations, staying grounded, dealing with rejection, questioning motives, and trusting in the process, we are now also faced with determining what the hell to do on dates when indoor dining is off limits and winter creeps upon us. We pretty much have to resort to riding in cars with boys, high school style to avoid hypothermia. That! Or you can go back to someone’s place and baddabing baddaboom, you’re labelled as easy. Your friends think they’re being helpful, drawing from their experiences, but it’s a different world now.
It gets tricky because as they inject their ideals, beliefs and opinions onto you, we soak it up like a sponge. I mean, they’ve been successful at obtaining the “goal”, so we would be dumb not to listen! Days later their words of advice float in your head, you second guess your feelings, and you become paralyzed in what steps you should take. Heavily influenced and with cloudy judgement, you’re unable to act authentically through the beginning stages of the relationship.
So that’s why I say watch out for the dating advice you get from your married friends, and even your single friends too for that matter! That’s like the blind leading the blind.
Here’s my advice: don’t take advice from your married friends, your single friends, or anyone else. Heck don’t even take the advice in this article. But if you were going to, it would simply be to listen to and follow your inner guide, because You know best for YOU.
And even with all that said, I am so grateful I have friends who will lend an ear if I need. What do you think? Do you take dating advice from your friends? If so, how’s that working out for you?
modern love 