There’s this TikTok video that’s gone viral. Have you seen it? A twenty-five-year-old woman meets this guy via Tinder. The first date ends up being a movie and hangouts at his place. When he wants to get frisky, she denies him, he gets pissed and lectures her about how she should give it up because they met on Tinder, and apparently, “Tinder is for fucking, and not dating.” The story and video are on BuzzFeed.
The general public’s reaction to this story is how this guy is a douche and she has every right to not sleep with him. He isn’t entitled to her sexually because he threw on some Netflix and popped popcorn. But…. there is a dating rule and it goes a little something like this: Ladies, don’t go back to his place on the first date unless you want to sleep with him.
First and foremost, if someone decides they don’t want to have sex, that has to be respected. No and, ifs or buts about it. However it is a little misleading if you go to someone’s place on the first date. Are you surprised he thinks he’s going to get laid? He didn’t have to put in any of the work and she’s already in his lair? SCORES! Wrong. In this Covid-dating-climate, I understand it’s hard to find places to go on dates, but I urge you, don’t go back to his place on the first date unless you want to have sex.
Clearly this guy has a lot of growing up to do considering his reaction to what happened, it’s pretty gross. Apparently he lied in his Tinder bio just to get the date, so yes, shame on him. However, I don’t blame him entirely. Perhaps it was a misjudgement on her part to go to his place. This is code for wanting to hook up. Am I wrong? And maybe at first she did, but then got to know him and changed her mind. Who knows. In any case, she is allowed to change her mind.
Under no circumstance was she obligated to kiss him, hold his hand, go down on him, sleep with him etc.
Ladies, we need to date with class and dignity. If you are looking for a serious relationship, there are ways in which to act that keeps our self-respect in tact. Going back to someone’s place on the first date suggests you are ready to get physical. And maybe you are! But if you aren’t, keep your first few dates out in public. (Side note – I’m 35 and single, so what do I know?! haha)
This was even a lesson I had to learn myself. I’ve gone back to guy’s places on the first date with sex as an intention and without. Sometimes there was pressure to have sex, other times my boundaries were respected. At the end of the day, only do what you are comfortable with and be as safe as possible with these online meetups.
For anyone wondering, she is safe. And I hope both of them learned a few lessons from this experience.