The year is 2020, and it might as well be the year 2000. Sure I’ve grown mentally, spiritually, physically and so on over the last 20 years, but the root problem still remains. Hi, my name is Vanessa and I suffer from low self-esteem. The same struggle I’ve had all my life and maybe notContinue reading “The year is 2020…”
Category Archives: breaking bad habits
God is testing me.
I’ve asked to be released from my neediness. I’ve asked for help when it comes to love relationships. And in the last few weeks I’ve been tested. Feelings for my ex arose, I met a really cool guy & someone from my past showed up. I’m not sure what I was to do in theseContinue reading “God is testing me.”
Day 1 of No Contact
Day 1 of No Contact: I feel good. Had a great day. Thank you wine! Thank you family! & thank you friends! I cried in the shower a bit this morning. I’m not sure if those will be the last tears I shed for him. I’m gonna start a new book now… Not sure whatContinue reading “Day 1 of No Contact”
What are you waiting for?
Well, my trip is going great, thanks for asking. While you deal with someone you aren’t even into, I was fucking a man in Iceland. I don’t care she slept in your bed while you went to work. I don’t want to know the details.
I fall victim
i fall victim to this quote by Marianne Williamson: “You have both cried out for healing and shut the door to your healing, sometimes in the same breath.” Yes. I ask to be free’d from him, yet cannot resist the invitations to see him. I want to continue to fight [for him]; is that stupid?
So do you wanna makeout?
I asked the above question just now before I left “the love of my life”‘s place. He said “no I’m good. I don’t want to open that door again.” I guess I’m not good enough for him anymore. He doesn’t want me & I really need to close this book and move on to aContinue reading “So do you wanna makeout?”
Hope & expectation
I’ve learned over the last several months to not hold people to your expectations. Just because you do something one way doesn’t mean others do it the same way. And this is okay. It does not make him or her a bad person. I’ve also learned not to have hope of the future. It isContinue reading “Hope & expectation”
Listening to the new Mumford album & the “broken” part of me wishes I’d be experiencing this with a certain someone who I’ve given my heart to a million times over, only to have it broken. Well, now the healthy part of me wants to experience this with someone who cares about me! I takeContinue reading “Wilder Mind”
I am my mother
That scary realization that I am like my mother & all the bad habits she has, which I detest, I have too. Eating when bored Eating in front of the tv Sluggish after work Not caring to clean Negative comments to just about everything God please help me to be a better person, a healthyContinue reading “I am my mother”