What would you do if you got propositioned to be a sugar baby, earning thousands of dollars in a month? For some, the idea of all this extra income is lavish! The feeling of freedom in getting to do whatever you wanted. For me personally it would mean being able to finally get my own home! I’d be dumb to pass on an offer like this, right?
The text message came through to me on a Saturday afternoon. My cousin and I had just finished a workout and were driving home. It went something like this:
“Hi Vanessa, my name is Alessandro, I have to say you are absolutely gorgeous. I have a weird question, how would you like to earn $3000 right now and then $500 per week after. I’m not looking to waste your time, so if you’re not interested that’s cool. I just had to tell you how beautiful you are. Let me know if you’re interested.”
Off the bat my gut reaction was SCAM! However, being one part bored in my dating life, and two parts looking for more income, I thought let’s have a little fun with this! Handing my phone off to my cousin I told her to respond, see who this person was and to find out how he got my contact. He told us he got it via my Kijiji ad for personal training.
There’s something peculiar and familiar when debating our pizza order which dawned on me tonight.
The scenario: Should I get a 10″ or a 16″? Is the 10″ big enough? Will it fill me? Will I have leftovers? Is it going to be too thin? Should I get thick crust? 16″ might be too big, but it could feed more than one person or I could have it again in the morning…
The pizza options, like men and dating are endless. There’s traditional, whole wheat, gluten free, ones filled with cheese. Thin crust, thick crust, cauliflower, New York Style, Deep Dish, Sicilian, Neopolitan, wood-oven. And don’t even get me started on the toppings
How do you like YOUR pizza?
I personally love a good Focaccia. Something not too big, not too small, nicely seasoned with just a hit of salt and oil. Being left satisfied and not overeating, nor begging for more. A pizza that fills me just right, where I am satiated, can stop eating when I want and there’s plenty leftover in the morning 😉
With the pandemic, I’ve had to move my workouts from the gym to the great outdoors (unless it’s raining), so I’ve been doing a lot of running. With each run and every exertion, my brain has a sort of revelation where I come up with great ideas, or so I’d like to think (lol)….. Like comparing the way we exercise, specifically running, to the way we move through our relationships.
Hear me out: When we run, do we choose the sprint intervals, or do we choose the long distant run?
When we sprint it’s an all out blitz attack on our muscular, circulatory, and respiratory systems. The 30-45 seconds of all out power and push feels exhilarating and strong but at the end of it we are gassed out and 100 per cent done. With heavy breathing and maybe a cramp, we keel over to catch our breath; it hurts, but we push through.
When we jog we find a steady pace, and keep it going for the duration of the run. Maybe it’s for a straight 10 minutes, or 45 minutes, or maybe it’s a marathon. Sometimes it feels like it’s never going to end. But we persist, we find our rhythm, our motivation and take it one step at a time.The celebration comes moments before we hit that finish line. We are proud of our accomplishment and can bask in the hard work we did. Ah, sweating for something makes it worth it, eh? *ahem*
We can thank our body for all the hard work it did, breathe and walk it off to recover, and maybe sometimes throw our hands up in the air from the relief and joy we feel at the same goddamn time.
Below is a true account of my dating experience, I wasn’t going to put this on blast, but thought you may find my story entertaining:
Went on a few dates with this guy, we’ll call him The Pilot. He was nice, the kind of guy who opens car doors for you, picks you up at the airport, and listens to country music.
A definite drinker who even made notes several times that he should probably quit. Me and my Christ-like capacity for compassion gave him the benefit of the doubt, even if a sloppy drunk is the biggest turn off for me. I thought if he can keep it together while drinking, that’s fine. Incoherence though? That will be a problem. But let’s roll the dice anyway.
It’s a question I often ask people in the beginning stages of dating. I find it endearing, more unique then “What do you do for work?”, and it opens up the dialogue in a fun way.
I never really thought about it, but apparently the way you take your coffee says a lot about your personality! For example, if you take your coffee black, you could be a psychopath with sadistic tendencies. (Reflecting on my recent dating endeavour, I’d say this is correct!)
Mine’s no better nor worse. A a wise woman recently reminded me, “put yourself is someone else’s shoes.” So simplistic, yet how often do we truly do this? This adage cannot resonate stronger than at a time like right now. This is a moment in my lifetime where I’ve never experienced more divisiveness. A time when a differing of opinions, beliefs and values can make us block, silence, delete, and turn a blind eye to each other.
By putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes maybe we’ll be better able to approach our loved ones, acquaintances and strangers with compassion, love and a smile. For me, I’m going to work on saying “Hello” to strangers while on walks, and maybe sit with my aunt more often and see what’s going on in her life.
Who is your inner divine counterpart?
Who is the you you’d be if no one was watching? No one was judging? If nobody cared?
Would you dance and sing a little louder? Would you create? Would you travel? Would you build? Would you speak up? Would you play?
Who is the inner you and what would you do?
My inner goddess is an artist. She wants to dance, she wants to create, she wants to love, she wants to sing, she wants to give.
You know when songs start to give you a bad aftertaste?
It’s not the song’s fault. This is just due to the memories the tune happens to bring up. Perhaps of an ex, or of people who aren’t part of your life anymore. Those bittersweet memories. The cringe-worthy moments. The times you were happy as shit. The times that are long gone and can never be recreated. The ones that initially bring a smile to your face but then are quickly followed by sorrow because that moment, that person, that place, that feeling are now gone, evaporated into the air.
Well, what if instead of feeling dread, regret or sadness, we look at those moments with a smile or laughter? Why not allow the joy you feel run through your veins? Yes, that moment is gone, but can’t we revel in the happiness we once felt for a brief moment rather than come at it negatively?
And maybe we need to start finding the humour in our missteps and life lessons. Like for example, “Remember that time I travelled 400 miles for dick?”😂Or that time I drove 45 minutes for a 1 AM booty call at a fancy Hamilton hotel with the hottest guy ever and didn’t even sleep with him? 😂 (Side note: I hope he’s well.)
We have to learn to laugh at the past. See it with love and gratitude and then return to the present moment.
And my last 420 thought:
If you’re only as strong as your weakest link and you don’t like your surroundings, are you the weakest link?
Reading an article posted on The Kit.ca where they interview Logan Ury, Director of Relationships at Hinge (like that’s even a real thing?!), and author of How to Not Die Alone, because apparently we have only two options in life: couple up or die alone.
However, reading the article and trying not to be too cynical about Ury’s views she says we need to change our behavioural patterns in order to have a long-lasting romantic relationship and she delves into the reasons we may be self-sabotaging our love lives.
The things we are doing that are wrong:
We assume that love will find us – Finding love takes hard work according to Ury. Seems we have to treat it as a job with deadlines, checklists, finding an accountability partner, deciding what kind of a person we want to be with and affirming: I am looking for love, I am not a person who is waiting to die. Am I the only one who believes Daniel Johnston when he sings “True love will find you in the end”? Should I give up on my dream of the magical romantic serendipitous encounter at the grocery store?
We’re waiting for The One – She says there is no such thing as The One. If you believe that you’re classified as a Romanticizer. These people think once you find your soulmate you don’t have to put any effort into the relationship, nor have any difficult conversations. When you romanticize you take relatively small things (i.e. dirty socks on your date’s living room floor) and declare this person unfit to be your romantic partner. We are seeking perfection. In my case, I am definitely looking for the right one and am physically unable to settle, so call me a romanticizer if you must!
We’re in a new relationship every three months – Well welcome to the world of online dating and its endless options! She says we are ditchers who pull the parachute far too soon and jump around from relationship to relationship. Love has different phases, so what we experience in month one will be different from what we experience in month eight. She wants us to give time and energy into something rather than jumping ship. Also, we’re likely choosing the wrong people; she says we may tend to chase someone who pulls back from us when we pursue them. We get addicted to the anxiety and confuse it for chemistry. She says date someone who is affectionate but gives space, someone comfortable with intimacy but doesn’t smother you. Secure people are reliable, self-aware and communicate how they feel.
We took a break from dating during pandemic – Don’t stop doing things in life because of the Rona. If not now then when?
We keep going back to our Ex – Ury says when we do this we are reaching for the familiar. The cost to keeping an ex around? It holds us back. So delete them from your life and convince yourself you’ve made the right decision, but only if you’re serious about moving on. As a side note: I’ve learned it’s when we’re encountering moments of loneliness that we start to miss our ex(es). Once we can recognize that feeling just remember, this too shall pass.
. We’re burnt out on dating – Agree 110%. We are TIRED. We are now showing up on dates already feeling defeated and believing you’ll never find someone at this point. Anyone else have The Ataris’ Giving Up on Love playing through their head? And when we feel this way while dating, the other person can feel our negative vibes. She recommends taking a month off from dating to do community service, read a book and work on your own happiness.
What are your thoughts on this? There’s one view point from the book It’s Not You 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single that boils down to we just haven’t met the right person yet. We aren’t being too picky, too available, too successful, etc., etc., etc. We are perfect as is.
After reading this article, at first highly cynically I admit, I definitely see some areas needing improvement in my dating life. I think some fine tweaking and taking Ury’s advice wouldn’t hurt any of us. Ultimately, a lot of this has to do with timing and where we’re at in our lives at this moment. You’re sure as shit not going to meet anyone of value if you’re in a negative state of mind.
Taking a break sounds awesome. Tulum, Mexico, here I come! And if you don’t know what type of person you wish to cultivate in your life, here’s a very helpful meme from IG:
HOT TIP: An easy way to see if you’re compatible with someone in the online dating world is to get their take on the whole pandemic thing. This will save a lot of time.
You quickly find out if you’re vibing on the same wave length and whether or not you should proceed.
modern love 