dating around

How do you handle the dating world? At this age, aren’t we all just looking for someone to balance us out and build a partnership with? The thought of being single at 40 terrifies me, but this may be my reality.

Back in the day, young adults would date one person (probably a neighbour or something) and then get married. Nowadays, there is no shortage of dick and pussy to choose from which makes the idea of settling down with one person incredibly difficult.

Me and the LTR just don’t mix. I’ve tried and failed so many times, so maybe I’m doing it wrong. So I ask, do you exclusively date one person at a time or do you juggle seeing multiple people?

Dating gets sticky when you try to do the juggling act. Or at least for me it does. That’s why three tends to be my max number of potential suitors. A sort of ranking system tends to happen when you do the dating dance. This is mostly based on connection, attraction and effort.

For example:

Guy A: The guy I am most excited about. We vibe, he puts in effort, we talk on the phone & text regularly, we go on dates. There is true relationship potential here and he becomes my dating priority.

Guy B: Nice guy, attractive, we vibe, he puts in minimal effort. We’ve maybe had a few phone convos, not too much texting, doesn’t ask me on dates. He’s like the “hey i’m bored, u up?” kinda guy.

Guy C: I don’t actively seek him out, but if I hear from him it’s always nice to do a quick catch-up. I’m not overly attracted to him, but will give it a shot if he shows he’s interested in me. We are on each other’s back burner, or so it seems.

I could really like Guy A, but with dating around, I meet Guy B. Guy B can be alluring and exciting at first. The whole addicted to the attraction phase happens. If I start to like B better, he now becomes A, and the scale shifts.

If things don’t progress with Guy A after a few dates, then maybe I’ll take a bigger interest in Guys B & C, effectively putting them up in the ranking, and Guy A now becomes Guy C. See what I mean when I call it a juggling act? And clearly it isn’t working for me because I am 35 and single.

Kinda sounds like I need a flow chart. Online dating happens so fast, you never know who you’re going to have any type of long term success with.

The alternative is to date exclusively, putting your eggs in one basket. But doing this is risky. You’re giving it all (your best years, your time, your energy) to one person that you hope will turn into the relationship you want. So many people don’t agree with this method. If you are single, act single, relationship coach Matthew Hussey urges this to single women every where.

So, if you’re not supposed to put all your eggs in one basket but wish to try and cultivate something with one particular person, how can we do this when we’re told to keep our options open. Anybody?

all in the name of “love”

Ignoring the red flags, we all do it, we hope for better, we see what we want to see, hear what we want to hear. You know what was a red flag? The fact he didn’t appreciate Joni Mitchell. She’s a beautiful poet.

JoniMitchell

#byeboybye.

but on a more serious note:

Huge red flag for myself as the things I valued slipped to the waysides. The things I found important like my weight loss journey, eating sensibly, and putting myself first dropped.

My beating heart spent a lot of time smiling on the inside – the countless mornings I woke up with such a warmth in my heart because of this love. And all those nights I fell asleep in complete contentedness because of the feeling.

Continue reading “all in the name of “love””

Celebrating Winter Solstice

December 21, 2014 was the first time I celebrated Winter Solstice. It’s a time to reflect on the past year, discard things that no longer serve a purpose and make intentions for the coming year. This is a time we metaphorically plant our seeds. This year it falls on Monday, December 21, 2020.

And so, I thought you might be intrigued to ring in the new season! I put together a little step-by-step guide on how you can celebrate! Head on over to my Winter Solstice page for all the details, and be sure to let me know if and how you marked the special day!

Don’t take dating advice from your married friends

“Stick with me and I’ll make him yours in 30 days,” words from my married friend after I told her about the latest guy I’ve been dating. I wasn’t sure how to absorb this. Is she looking out for me? Why does she want to have this type of control over my love life? Does she have no faith in my ability to secure a long-lasting relationship? As she low-key points out my failed attempts at LTRs, I think to myself, “Well, she’s married, so therefore, she knows best. Right?”

Dating is a balancing act. With it comes overthinking, a flood of hormones, excitement, uncertainty, hope, and learning lessons. It can be a time-consuming, energy sucking, head-scratching landscape to navigate through. By the time you meet someone you actually jive with, it only makes sense to be bursting at the seams to tell your friends about the potential suitor. Who he is!? What does he look like!? What does he do for a living!? How did his last relationship end? etc., etc., etc.

Consequently, all of these details now open up the flood gates to your friends’ perspective on the whole situation. They won’t be able to help themselves from painting a picture in your head, making judgements, suggestions, and providing the best course of action you should take in order to “make him yours.” (And yes, I’m 100% guilty of these actions too, FTR.)

To your married friends, the dating world is exciting and full of drama! They want to hear about the escapades, they want to swipe through your Tinder, and live vicariously through you. But, when it comes to taking dating advice from them, think twice.

There’s no way a married person remembers what dating is like, and they especially do not know what dating is like during a pandemic. Besides the norm of juggling matches and conversations, staying grounded, dealing with rejection, questioning motives, and trusting in the process, we are now also faced with determining what the hell to do on dates when indoor dining is off limits and winter creeps upon us. We pretty much have to resort to riding in cars with boys, high school style to avoid hypothermia. That! Or you can go back to someone’s place and baddabing baddaboom, you’re labelled as easy. Your friends think they’re being helpful, drawing from their experiences, but it’s a different world now.

It gets tricky because as they inject their ideals, beliefs and opinions onto you, we soak it up like a sponge. I mean, they’ve been successful at obtaining the “goal”, so we would be dumb not to listen! Days later their words of advice float in your head, you second guess your feelings, and you become paralyzed in what steps you should take. Heavily influenced and with cloudy judgement, you’re unable to act authentically through the beginning stages of the relationship.

So that’s why I say watch out for the dating advice you get from your married friends, and even your single friends too for that matter! That’s like the blind leading the blind.

Here’s my advice: don’t take advice from your married friends, your single friends, or anyone else. Heck don’t even take the advice in this article. But if you were going to, it would simply be to listen to and follow your inner guide, because You know best for YOU.

And even with all that said, I am so grateful I have friends who will lend an ear if I need. What do you think? Do you take dating advice from your friends? If so, how’s that working out for you?

he’s just not that into you if…

  • He chooses sleeping in over seeing you
  • He doesn’t respond to your texts within a reasonable amount of time
  • He doesn’t lock-in plans to see you

What are some others? Help me fill in the blanks.

I write this because I often struggle with knowing my worth and setting boundaries, letting people take advantage of me, and if you don’t know what you stand for, you fall for everything.

I’m here taking your thoughts and suggestions on being a high-quality person. And because this is a vent post.

A couple steps I took to get over the feeling of someone not that into you – Surrender your feelings to God/the Universe, whatever you believe, delete his number from your phone.

covid winter dating = wear your thermals

As I prepare for a first date, I have no idea how to dress. It’s cold outside, and since indoor dining is not allowed, I know I have to dress warmly. Is it possible to look cute while all bundled up? Things I pondered while putting on a thermal layered shirt, different style toques and choosing the right pair of gloves.

I ask myself: do we meet in the Starbucks with our masks on? Or do we meet in the parking lot before hand and see each other’s faces in human form before we commence the date? Dating in December when you are forced to stay outdoors brings up all sorts of questions.

What’s fun about these outdoor dates though: you can bring a flask, hoodies are acceptable, but frankly you don’t even need to worry about your outfit since your jacket will be on! One hot tip from tonight: definitely bring a blanket to sit on because you won’t last long on a frigid park bench.

And you may end up hanging out in his car, listening to music, and that’s kind of my happy place….

How is your outdoor Covid dating going?

Dick Distraction = Dating Detox

It seems every time I get involved in a love relationship I lose myself. I lose my standards, my voice, my passions, my healthy habits. I get so wrapped up in men, the attention I get, the hopes and dreams of finding “the one”, that I drop the things that are important to me and focus 100% on the guy. This is my pattern on repeat.

This is a flashing red light telling me there is so much inner work I gotta do. So here I am again, reading all my self-help books, talking to my therapist, learning about chakras + reiki and doing anything to help me gain my power and heal.

This led me to taking a 30 day detox from dating, and sometimes I get so irritable, releasing my anger on the people who actually love me.

What can I do here?

Be serving to those that love me – When I’m dating a guy I will go above and beyond for him. Well now, I’m going to start going above and beyond to family and friends

Embrace my needs – I’m a sensitive person who picks up on other people’s energy, so often I need a lot of time to retreat, and I don’t think others understand this. Communicating my needs and following through without judging myself or feeling shame.

Feel my feelings – Not every day is going to be a bucket of sunshine, and that is OK. It’s actually perfectly normal. All we can do is be aware of how we’re feeling and allow the feelings to pass through. “This too shall pass”.

Deep dig – Figure out what’s going on within me that I’m attracting commitment-phoebe men. Which I’m pretty sure comes down to self-esteem and self-worth.

So I pray to God to help me let go of the things I cannot control, and embrace and love myself exactly as I am.

Here’s a helpful article if you too are thinking of taking a dating detox: https://www.instyle.com/dating-detox-bad-relationships-break

words from God

Some days are good, some days are bad, some fall somewhere in the middle, and there isn’t much you can do but go with the flow of life.

You cannot control the outcome, you cannot rush. You will not always get your way.

Be aware of feelings.

Be patient with the process.

Believe everything is unfolding just as it should.

Trust.